Way to love myself

Today I got some bad news, just before I went to work. My aunt was battling cancer for over 2 years now. But it got worst and worst with time. She passed away this morning in her sleep. She didn't suffer, and that's the only thing that makes me feel a little bit better.  But the problem is my boss at work. When I ask her for a free day, she had all of these problems... That she can't work two days in a row... she is a manager, and she is working less than me. And after she told me to not surprise her more like that. Yeah of course I planed it... stupid b.....    How in 21 century do people like her still exist? How? People can treat others like that????

Yesterday I have spent the whole day in an amusement park with my family and my boyfriend. Not any of us was scrolling through Instagram, facebook, or something. We were having fun with each other, relaxing, getting rid of stress.   But to be honest, I think that we were, maybe not the only, but one of the few people spending the day like that.We were sitting in one of slower over, family-friendly rides and almost all of the people were eyeing their phones, not even talking with each other.    Why we're not talking with each other, spending time with each other without phones, laptops, internet. What's so important in your phone, that you don't even see your child, or friend having time of their life.    When we were taking the last ride, we saw a lost girl. She was sitting at the edge of the stairs leading to the ride ALONE. It was 20 minutes later, when we heard in the speaker, that they are looking for her. Did they not realize that their daughter got lo...

I just can't understand how some people can be so rude to others.  Just because you have money, look, or anything else... it doesn't make u any better than me. Working as a cashier, people look down on me, like I'm not as good as them. But they don't know me, they don't know who am I, what am I doing in my life.  Every job is just a job. It doesn't matter if you are a cashier, housekeeper, CEO, or a million. Can we just please stop looking down on one another? Is it that hard?

When you are near I feel so at home.  In your arms my every worry goes away, like with a touch of a magic wand.  You made me the best version of myself, the best version I ever was, and ever will be.  You are my flashlight in the darkness A warm sweater when I'm cold  My tissue, when tears are streaming down my face  Knowing that this is it, this one is forever Made my heart so in peace

How one person can make me feel too bad. Make my days so miserable. Make me not think about anything else but this.  This week I had my thesis defense, and as you can tell it didn't go very well. I was so well prepared, but my BA thesis promoter didn't want me to pass, and I know it.  He is an asshole, who wanted to prove that I can't do it. And I failed, so badly. I know that the other two persons who were there during my defense wanted to help me. But he didn't, he wanted me to fail.  It's so sad that one person wants another to fail, to feel miserable, to feel not smart enough, not good enough.

Throughout my whole life, I always thought that there is no way I would ever be perfect in any way. But what does really perfection mean?     For me, perfection is feeling good in my own body, no matter how it looks like. Perfection is when you can wear clothes that you like and feel good in. Perfection is dancing and singing in front of the mirror, feeling the best you can.  For someone else, perfection can be a dinner with loved ones, new amazing jeans. Perfection can be a normal meal, after bulimia or anorexia.  But to be honest, perfection is all the little things in our life that make us feel good, special, and like ourselves. 

Starting college, I always thought that our professors are there to helps us. To motivate us to be better and better. But it turns out, it's not true. In a couple of days, I would finally have my bachelor's degree, I'm a literary ball of stress now. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything. And besides that, my lovely supervisor didn't help me at all. He just told me when is the last day I could send him my work, and that's it. And after all my work, all sleepless nights he gave me a C in a review of my text. He could just tell me that my work is shitty, it would hurt much less I think. But it will all soon be behind me, and master's it will soo much different. Hope so.